Emotions of anger, violence and acting out are often related to underlying mental health disorders, including but not limited to depression, anxiety and addiction. You might also exhibit severe low self-esteem and difficulty trusting yourself and others. Past traumatic experiences such as physical, sexual or emotional abuse also contribute to your overall wellbeing and actions. These interlocking features can lead you to develop anger management issues.
While you mustn’t bottle up your anger, it is just as essential to maintain control over your anger so that your inward and outward expressions don’t negatively impact your choices. Such choices could lead to a loss of job, damaged relationships and even criminal behavior. If you are concerned that you have a problem with your anger, here are four ways to help you identify signs of underlying anger issues and how to begin managing them.
You Blame Other People
When something happens that triggers your anger, do you look to another to blame even if it is not their fault? Blaming others rather than taking responsibility is a sign that you cannot manage your anger and the emotions that accompany each episode. Instead of being quick to blame another, take responsibility for your actions and feelings. Sometimes, it is how you communicate with others that influence how you respond in a tense situation. A constructive way to address a situation causing you anger is to frame it as an “I” statement. For example, “I am upset that you left the room without offering to clean up” instead of, “You never do anything to help clean up.” A shift in perspective can allow you to spot your anger source rather than vent your anger in an unhealthy way by taking it out on others.
You Disproportionate Anger
It is OK to get angry, but it is not healthy to lash out in a rage, especially over a trivial matter. Conveying a disproportionate amount of anger is rarely, if ever, about the current situation; instead, a series of thoughts and events contribute to your anger. For example, you may have trouble getting to sleep, which leads to having a bad day at work and getting stuck in traffic on the way home. These events tie into past thoughts of times where you felt angry or disrespected. Finally, you return home to seek comfort when something trivial like dirty dishes in the sink triggers your anger. Soon, your response has you cursing the dishes and maybe even becoming aggressive with cabinets and appliances while cleaning up. Understand that your actions in this situation are wildly disproportionate to the current situation because you’re channeling your anger into the dishes and failing to recognize or not wanting to identify what is bothering you.
Most of what drives anger is focusing on the problem in a situation. Take a moment to remind yourself that anger will not fix what is bothering you; it will make it worse. Re-direct your energy to look for what is causing your anger and how to resolve it. You might take to writing down how you feel and why you feel this way. Additionally, you can utilize deep breathing techniques to help bring calm and rational thought back to the situation, so you’re not disproportionately responding to a trivial matter.
You Give Passive-Aggressive Responses
Being passive-aggressive might not look like the typical idea of anger or rage, but it is undoubtedly a form of underlying and active anger. You might even be passive-aggressive without knowing that you are resorting to this type of anger. When you experience passive-aggressive behavior, your emotions might be displayed as sarcasm or apathy. Such behaviors contribute to resenting friends and family members, skipping work or isolating yourself.
Resorting to this kind of behavior is self-sabotaging and could lead to inward anger. Inward anger can include dark, depressing thoughts and negative self-talk. It can also lead to you denying yourself the things you enjoy. If you wonder if you’re passive-aggressive, take some time to look at how you act and react to others. Collect your thoughts and evaluate why you might feel a certain way about yourself or another. What triggers the initial passive response? Confronting these issues helps bring light to the real problem that is driving your anger.
You Self-Medicate to Feel Calm
If you use alcohol or other substances to manage your anger because you think it calms you down, what you’re doing is neglecting healthy management skills with an unhealthy habit: alcohol and other substances lower inhibition and impulse control. If you have an anger management issue or a quick temper, drinking is likely to tip you over the edge. Studies show that those who already have impulse control difficulties are more liable to become angry; therefore, developing a substance dependence can lead to more aggressive behavior. If you have signs of alcoholism and are using it to cope, it is time to seek help. Finding help to overcome substance use can introduce you to healthier therapies such as mindfulness, meditation or exercise to manage your anger.
Finding Help
Underlying mental health disorders need diagnosis and treatment. Such treatments include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), mindfulness and mediation therapies. It is also essential to recognize any substance use disorder and work to overcome the habit of self-medicating. Other practices to help you control your anger include finding another outlet to bring calm, such as exercise, playing music, painting, or volunteering. These activities can help you combat triggering situations that make you angry. Keeping a network of friends, family and peers that you can trust is also essential to being able to express yourself in a healthy and constructive manner.
If you suspect that you are exhibiting signs of anger problems, you do not have to deal with it alone. At DiscoveryMD, we provide professional treatment to help you with anger issues by teaching you how to control your anger and understand the root causes of it. If your anger is putting yourself and others in danger or interfering with unrelated aspects of your life, then it is time to seek professional help. Don’t let your anger consume you any longer; learn how to control your anger by taking the first step toward getting help. Contact us today.